The Burial

My grandpa passed away Memorial Day weekend in his sleep. It has been strange, surreal you might say. I have been in denial of his leaving us. It wasn't until his burial one week ago today that the reality set in for me. Grandpa is gone. He was stubborn, he was honery, he was sometimes even mean... but I loved that man. He made me laugh at some of the things he would say. When I was getting ready to leave to serve my mission my grandpa told me that when I got back he would "tell me the truth about the Church". He was very proud of his posterity. He was proud of having 7 children, 12 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren (by the way, 4 of those great-grandchildren are my kids). He loved us all in his own special way. Grandpa wasn't much for frilling things up, he told things as he saw them.

When we arrived at the burial we were about 7 minutes late. Had we not been stuck behind a construction truck going 20 miles under the speed limit for several miles and then run into a pretty bad accident site where we were delayed, we would have been on time. When we got there and I saw that the service was over my heart ached. It was like somebody took a dagger to my heart and twisted it around. I began to sob uncontrollably. For the first time I realized grandpa was really gone. I was disappointed that I was late... if only we had left earlier and beat the accident... if only... but I know my experience was perfect. I finally grieved the loss of my grandfather. I was able to just let it all out.

Death is such a strange thing for me. He is simply taking the next step in life. I know his spirit still lives. I know he is learning much. I know his eyes are being opened to so much truth. I just don't get to see him for a while. Grandpa, I love you. I will see you on the other side and we will talk of truth and rejoice at our reunion. Be open. Your Father in heaven loves you. Your Savior, Jesus Christ loves you. I am sure you are very aware of His love for you. Until we meet again, I bid you farewell.

This baby fat has got to go!

Well, it is official... I am a Weight Watchers girl again. After working out at the gym and not seeing the results I was anticipating, I have decided to join Weight Watchers again. This way I can work out and eat healthy. See, the thing is that I thought I was eating healthy. Now after just one day I am realizing just how much I snack throughout the day. What's even more is those things which I thought were "good" snacks aren't really all that great for me! So we will see what the results are. I figure I can test it out for 3 months and see what my progress is. I really enjoyed the program before; I lost 25 pounds when I joined after Oakley was born. I seem to have some bad eating habits during my pregnancy with Jackson (which seems to be a common theme among all my pregnancies). So, it is a matter of breaking those habits.

I am determined and I know I can do it. It is just going to take a little more willpower than I have put forth up to this point. My goal is 2 pants sizes, I am not so concerned with the amount of weight. I just want back into my old jeans again!

Thank Goodness for Big Girls

Can I just have a bragging moment for my oldest daughter? Some days I wonder what I would ever do without her. Yesterday we went grocery shopping... something I have been putting off for some time now because, quite honestly, I dread going shopping with all four of my children. Anyway, when we got home it was lunch time. I was thinking to myself, "What am I going to do? I have all these groceries to take in and put away, I have a baby who wants me to nurse him right now, and I have 3 little girls who want their lunch right now as well?"

I never said a word to my children about my dilemma and I mapped out my game plan:
1) Bring perishables in and put them in the fridge
2) Nurse Jackson
3) Lay him down for his nap
4) Make the girls their lunch
5) Make myself something to eat and quickly snarf down my food
6) Lay Oakley down for her nap
7) Put all the rest of the food away
8) Take a breather!

So here I go, working through the list in my head. As I start rushing the food in from the van I notice Reagan go to the fridge and pull out some bread. Then she goes to the pantry and pulls out the peanut butter and honey. She gets a butter knife and begins to work on making sandwiches; mind you, I did not ask her to do any of this! I stopped for one moment and looked at her with so much gratitude in my heart. Then I grapped a peach and sliced it up and put them on some plates. Reagan kept on making the sandwiches. She set the plates on the table and the girls began their feast.

So onto the next story I would like to share... today after the gym we went to the park and had lunch and then the girls played for a bit. We then ran to the store to buy a few items that I forgot to grab yesterday. When we got home, we sat in the front and enjoyed some slurpees in the shade of our front yard. Then little Jackson decided he was hungry; so we finished our drinks and went inside. I looked at the time and realized it was past Oakley's naptime. Yet here I was once again in this predicament... how can I do two things (or more) at once? So I asked Reagan if she would read to Oakley (as part of her naptime ritual) while I nursed the baby. Reagan read to her, tucked her in, and kissed her night, night. Then I finished with the baby, laid him down and went in to sing "I Am a Child of God" (again, part of the naptime ritual). As I began singing Oakley looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Reagan wants to sing 'I Am a Child of God'". I sent Reagan in and she happily sang it to her.

I ask myself often what I would ever do without her. Yesterday and today I have truly been grateful for such an independant child who is so loving, patient, and gentle. She is so obedient and trustworthy. I am grateful for each child and the talents they posess. I am fortunate to have these 3 little mommies who take care of me and each other. We are a great team! They each have something special to offer. How did I ever get so blessed?

I just thought I would mention that our son's picture is posted on the website of the Birth and Family Place (where he was delivered). If you go to www.birthandfamilyplace.com and click on to the "Classes/Events" link and the "FAQ" link you will see a picture of him and a picture of Mike and me with him when he was about 2 weeks old.

A Lesson on Prayer

My kids are constantly saying the cutest things. For instance, the other day Reagan said to me, "Mom, let's say I wanted to go out and ride my bike but I had a cough; so I pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him to tell you to let me go ride and you say, 'No.' Does that mean that Heavenly Father said no? I smiled at her and seized the opportunity to have a learning moment on prayer. We talked about how sometimes Heavenly Father does say no and sometimes He says yes, and sometimes He even says wait. And then I shared with her how He allows us to make choices because He loves us, so when I said no, that was my choice; He won't force me, or anyone else, to do anything. It was such a great moment! I am so happy to have shared it with her. She is constantly reminding me about the beauty of life through her actions and her wonderful little mind and her powerful little spirit.

A Sweet Scent

Today, I was doing a little work in the yard. I took some time to smell one of my pink roses. It smelled so exquisite. I called over the girls and had them each smell it. Reagan said, "Mmm, it smells like God." I just thought that was one of the sweetest things I had ever heard. I have no doubt that heaven smells as lovely as a rose. Now when I smell a rose, I will think of God; I hope you will too!

Mom, come quick!

I just love hearing things like: "Mom the baby pooped", especially when I am right in the middle of baking cookies. Dakota urged me to come into the living room because, "He pooped and I can see it on his back, and his shirt and his shorts." That definitely caught my attention. I love moments of cleaning it off the clothes, and the baby's back and the rug.

11 years ago

I have been reflecting back on my life. 11 years ago this month I entered the MTC to serve in the Illinois Peoria Mission. I remember the excitement and anticipation, as well as the hesitation and the fear I experienced. I remember singing "Called To Serve". I literally had chills as I sang out those words. I remember saying goodbye to my parents and walking through the doors into the training center as they exited through the doors to "the outside world". I remember seeing Mike in the MTC getting ready to go to the Australia Brisbane Mission. It was comforting to see a familiar face (though we were just friends at the time). I remember feeling so inadequate and discouraged. I remember doubting myself and wondering what I was thinking by serving a mission. I also remember the moment all that doubt was flushed away. I had prayed fervently to Heavenly Father, expressing all my doubt with my ability to serve in this capacity. He so very lovingly calmed my soul. I felt embraced by His love and surrounded with such incredible warmth. I knew in that moment that all would be well. I knew He had a purpose for me and that there were people I was going to touch. And how true that was.

My mission was a huge turning point in my life. I learned how to rely on the Spirit more. I learned the power of prayer. I learned how close our Father in Heaven really is to all of us. I gained a more powerful testimony of our Savior, and a greater love and appreciation for the Atonement. I learned so much more about Joseph Smith. I know I went to Illinois to have the opportunity to be where the early saints were and gain a greater appreciation for their sacrifices. I was able to spend time in Carthage, IL and Nauvoo, IL and be where they were and feel the Spirit that is there; it is so peaceful and so beautiful.

I also gained some of the best friends I have ever had and know those friendships will last for all eternity. I am so grateful for my mission companions who each taught me something of great value. I have carried those lessons with me throughout my life. Thank you to all you sweet ladies!

I am so grateful for the tender mercies of a loving Father who is forgiving. I know His love is unconditional. I know He knows my heart, that is so comforting. I am thankful for a loving Savior, even Jesus Christ. He knows me and you and loves us eternally. He is the way... the only way back to the Father. It is so clear to me. The path is narrow, but we can all be strengthened through Him, the Only Begotten.

I learned a lot in those 18 months. I am still learning every day. I have no doubt I will always be learning. It's what makes life interesting, and humbling. Now I get to learn from 4 of the most beautiful little people I know. I also learn so very much from a loving, gentle man; my best friend and companion of 8 wonderful years. There have been ups and there have been downs and yet, we seem to grow closer every day. The other day I was watching him and in that moment my heart welled up with such incredible love for him. I have those moments now and then where I sit back, look at my life and just relish the love I have for my husband and children. I can honestly say I am a blessed woman.

What's up with all the ink cartridges?

So I am doing my best at catching up with all the scrapbooking I have been putting off for a while now. Jackson doesn't even have one yet; and I think the last time I put a picture in Oakley's she was 6 months old. Anyway, today I woke up with a mission... to print the pictures up. I didn't go to the gym because the kids have had a horrible cough; so I had plenty of time today.

I went downstairs and began printing them off, but after about 2 pictures my Kodak printer was out of ink, so I replaced the cartridge. Then things were off. The cartridge went out again, that one didn't have much ink, cuz it ran out quickly. So I went to plan B, send it to my regular printer and put the photo paper on it. The pictures were of such poor quality that I decided to run to Walmart and buy more ink for the Kodak printer. I went there with all 4 kids, bought the ink, came home, opened the package and realized I had bought the wrong kind of cartridge. AAARRRGGGHHH!

I just have one question... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF INK CARTRIDGES OUT THERE? Okay, 2 questions... CAN'T THEY JUST MAKE THEM ALL UNIVERSAL?!

So here I was again. I tweeked some things and began using my HP printer again. (Luckily I had bought the hp paper while at Walmart). I ran out of that paper and started using another I had and the printer kept having paper jams. Needless to say, I have thrown in the towel for the time being because at this point Jackson and Oakley are both down for a nap and I am tired of working on the computer.

The good news is, at least I have some pictures to start working with for Jackson and I just happen to have a blue empty photo album.

I sure do wish I was better with computers!

Watch Out!

Yesterday I thought it would be a good day to ride my bike to work since that is what Mike got me for my birthday. It was the perfect day, nice and crisp and cool in the morning and sunny but a little breezy in the afternoon; a great day for a ride. On the way to work there wasn't much traffic because, as you might expect, there aren't a lot of people on the road at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. The way home was a completely different story.

I was amazed at how many people were completely unaware of my presence. What was even more astonishing was the attitude of certain individuals that I had no right being out there on a bicycle. One man watched me go across the cross walk and press the button to cross at the other cross walk. He was waiting at the red light to turn right (southbound) and I was waiting right next to him to go straight across (eastbound). When the light turned green he gunned it and nearly hit me. Did he have any idea that I had the right-a-way? He actually glared at me like I had no right being there!

Most of my scary encounters were waiting at lights with people who were turning right. So, I guess the message I would like to get out there is watch out for pedestrians and cyclists. I find that sometimes (when I am driving a vehicle) I don't look to my right before I turn right; I am so focused on looking to my left at oncoming traffic to see when I will be able to turn out that I forget to look to my right to see if anybody is there. Let's all be a little more cautious. My bike-riding experience on Saturday was eye-opening!

It did feel good to get on a bike again though. I haven't done it since I was pregnant. I love my new bike and I am looking forward to getting out there again (even with all the crazy and inconsiderate drivers). Thank goodness there are also cautious and courteous people out there as well.

I would like to give a little shout out to Rebecca who did a triathalon a short time ago. You are awesome lady!

Potty Training Anyone?

Okay, so I am wondering if there are any of you out there who are either going through the same struggle I am right now; or have gone through this struggle. The big struggle of potty training. With my first two kids, it was fairly simple. My third daughter is really putting up a fight. I have used bribery with a sticker chart, toys, candy (the good ones, like chocolate), and much praise. I have yet to find what works for this little girl. She goes through spurts where she will do it for a day or two and then she stops for weeks to months. I am so ready to get her out of diapers. Her third birthday is next month. My other girls were potty trained by the time they were two.

I keep asking myself what it is I am supposed to be learning from this experience with her so we can get beyond it. She has thrown out all the rules to parenting that I have used on my first two. What works for both of them, does not work for her. It is almost as if we are brand new parents all over again, just testing out different theories and methods to teach her. It is a good thing we have her, she definitely keeps things interesting for us. Every day is a new experience.

If there is one thing I admire about this little one... it would be the compassion she has toward others. If anyone gets hurt, if she hears a child crying, even if I burn my hand on a warm plate; she is the first one to acknowledge it and offer her sympathies.

The other night as I was tucking her in we went through our nightly routine: brush teeth and hair, read a book, say prayers, and then (my favorite part) I sing "I Am a Child of God" at her request. As I was singing to her she held my face close to hers. She began stroking my hair and running her fingers over my face, ever so gently. As I closed the song she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mommy, I love your face". Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a tight squeeze. She then told me, "Love you too, Mommy". It was at that very moment as I expressed my love for her that I realized that is what it is all about. Family is what matters most. There is no greater force than love.

So I pose this question... How can I use this magnificent force of love to potty train my compassionate, powerful little toddler? If you have any ideas that have worked for you... I AM OPEN!

This dog will tolerate just about anything

If you don't know already, our dog Sage is actually Oakley's dog. She reminds me daily that he is hers. I think the expression on his face says it all. He is a wonderful companion and friend. He is Oakley's personal entertainment! Just so you know, she won't even let me touch that headband. It is hers! But she will share it with her buddy.

Pics to go with the stories

Okay, so I am finally caving in and making up a blog for my family. My friend Jody, gave me the little boost that I deserved; thanks Jody... it was way easy! I guess the main boost to get this started is the big news... no, I am not pregnant again! The big news is Reagan learned to ride her bike last Saturday, WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS! The amount of excitement I felt watching her do that was indescribable. It was like watching her take her first steps all over again.

Today was her last day of Kindergarten. She has been talking about going in to first grade for several months now, actually, it was second grade; I kept reminding her that first grade is before second grade. She is going to miss her teacher, Mrs. Richards, but is excited to continue learning. As of right now she is reading at a 1.3 level (first grade, three months). It is one of her favorite past times.

Dakota is as cute as ever. Lately she has decided to be a mommy's girl. She has just finished her first year of dance. That girl was born to dance. She is so cautious of her form and technique... it's cute! She never passes an opportunity to let me know I should lose weight. The other day she said, "Mom, even though your bum is big, I still love you." Well, that's always reassuring!

Oakley said the cutest thing at lunch. She told me she was talking to a snail outside and that it told her that she was cute. She said, "Yeah, I'm cute!" All of a sudden her vocabulary has skyrocketed.

Jackson is as cute as ever... that baby is all smiles. He is finally starting to roll over all the time now and he decided to start sitting up at the same time.

I am just living the good life, basking it all in. Life is beautiful.