'William Tell Overture' Mom

Sheesh

Wow!  Life has been keeping me busy.  It's been so long, I was struggling to find a way to get on here. 

I have recently signed up for a fitness bootcamp class that is literally kicking my butt into gear.  It has been wonderful.  I pulled something in my bum this morning, but I am hoping this ice will do the trick.  I am so excited because after only one week of the classes and following her meal plan I have lost weight and inches.  My pants are actually a bit looser on me.  It is a 7-week class, 3 days a week.  I am excited about it.  My goal is to lose inches before summer hits. 

So there you go... that is my focus right now.  Some weight loss and toning up the muscle.  I'm having fun focusing a little more on myself, and not just the kids.

Life's difficult choices

Today I did something I have been dreading for quite some time now.  Today I scheduled the appointment to have our dog euthanized.  And judging by how many tears I shed, you would think we had him put to sleep already.

It is heart-wrenching to watch his health and quality of life slowly decline.  He has cancer.  The vet said it is very aggressive and fast-moving.  There were no guarantees that any operation would be successful.  He is almost 12 now.  He has cataracts and arthritis.  With the tumor on his upper leg now, it is difficult for him to walk and sit.  I can hardly stand the thought of him suffering so much pain.  And when he looks up at me with those eyes, it's like he is telling me how much he hurts.

The thought of doing this tears me up... it breaks my heart.  It's so final.  Next week I get to hold my boy and pet him and look into his loving eyes for the last time.  He was our first "baby".  When we were both going to school early in our marriage, Mike bought him for me to hold off wanting a newborn.  Little did we know I was expecting our first child already.  When we brought him home I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant with our first.

My children don't know life without him.  He is the gentlest, most loving creature.  With every baby he has allowed them to jump on him, pull on his ears and jowls, pull his tail and stick their little fingers up his snout.  Not only does he ALLOW them to do this to him, but he always ever so gently looks up at them and gives them a nice wet, slobbery kiss. 

I have enjoyed watching my children grow with this loving dog.  He has always been protective of them and has treated them with so much care and love.

Some out there would say, "He's just a dog."  But he is more than that to us.  He is a member of our family.  He gives and gives and gives, never expecting anything in return.  I have had many dogs all through my childhood.  I can honestly say that Sage is the best dog I have ever known.  He is intelligent and gentle.  He is loving and protective.  He will always hold a place in my heart. 

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Today is O's Birthday.  How in the world did she get so big so fast?  I still remember the day she was born.  She came in such a calm, sweet little one.  She was so easy-going.  She was such a delight.  Everything was easy with her; the labor went smoothly, she was the only one born on the actual due date.  She slept through the night from day one.  I would actually have to wake her up to feed her.  She could sleep anywhere, anytime.  She was happy and fun and sociable. 

Then 18 months happened and she claimed as much independence as possible.  She tested my authority, she fought me on just about everything and some days she made me want to scream!!!  In those two years I learned more about being a parent from her than I have learned in all my 10 years of motherhood.  I would not have sought out Parenting with Love & Logic (which is an AMAZING book and saved me), I would not have learned an added measure of patience and compassion.  I would not have learned to choose my battles wisely. 

The good news is, after gaining more insight on her and arming myself with better parenting techniques, I can honestly say she is my most obedient child.  I know that precious little angel was sent to me so I could learn some valueable lessons early in my motherhood. 

I adore her.  I love her so deeply.  I love looking into those sparkly eyes and seeing the love reflected back at me.  I love her hugs and the affection she shows me.  I love the conversations we have.  She is a very logic child and it is always interesting to me to see how she puts things together.  Her giggle fills me with delight.

Every once in a while she reminds me of that fiercely independent nature and that is when I step back and choose my battles once more.  She is fun and loving and kind. 

Thank you my sweet girl.  Thank you for changing my life for the better.  Thank you for coming to our family and for all the joy you give to me.  I love the gifts and talents you bring to this family.  So keep smiling because just like your laughter, your smiles are contagious and always brighten my day.

Expect the Unexpected

Life has taken a turn of events for us at the Wolf household this year. Some things we expected and others we didn't. We are at a crossroads now... what do we do now to create a better future? Sometimes I think it is difficult to see long-term. It can be hard to let go of present conveniences and luxuries to take a risk.

This is what I have concluded... taking risks in life is the only way to live with no regrets.  If I never took risks, I would never know what possibilities lie before me.  So, here's to taking risks...

Primary Parade

Today as I went for my morning jog, I was enjoying the beauty around me.  I was savoring my "me" time.  Then it happened...

I saw a group of people lined up together sitting along the sidewalk of a street.  And that is when it registered... this morning at 9:00 am I was to have my children at the park to meet up together and go on the primary parade.  I looked at my watch, the time read 8:57.  I was just over a mile away from home at this point and I figured I got to end my run short today.

 I booked it back to my house.  I ran as fast as I possibly could.  I wasn't going to let the kids miss out on this activity.  They have been looking forward to this for weeks now.  I mean, what kind of mother would I be?  How forgetful is that?  I'm a primary teacher for crying out loud, I knew about this.

So I ran RAN RAN my heart out.  I got home, burst through the door and managed to get a couple words out while panting frantically.  "Kids... primary parade... get dressed..." *pant, pant, pant*  I looked at myself; workout clothes, dripping sweat, hair disheveled and thought, "oh well".  The kids threw their clothes on.  I picked up the baby.  We ran out the door to the van.  Everybody hopped in.  I drove to four different locations and I didn't see a single soul.  Not a car, a child, not a person from the ward... nobody in sight.

That's when I looked down at the paper with the information about the parade.  I was right on the time, however the parade isn't until NEXT week.  My kids were in the back laughing at me and complaining a bit of course.  I couldn't help but laugh at myself.  Though I was a little irritated with myself as well.

And there you have it.  My morning began with a whirlwind that was caused by me, and me alone.  The good news is I beat my previous record and ran a 6'47" mile.  I guess a little motivation never hurts!

Shattered Glass

Yesterday as my children were playing outside, they broke a very special mirror of mine.  Now, you may be asking yourselves, if it was so special to you, why was it outside?  That is a great question!  As you know, we are temporarily living with my folks while my hubby goes to school. Well... there was no room for the mirror in the house and I asked my husband to put it up in the attic.  Days passed, weeks passed, months passed and that mirror sat on the back patio, sheltered from the rain.  My kids got a wild hair and decided they would pull it out and play with it.  It is a mirror that swivels and stands on its own.  It was a gift many years ago at a time when we didn't have much money.  He brought it home for me to say "I love you".  So yes, it was special to me. 

I was upset, to say the least, and I wanted to SCREAM!  But this little voice in the back of my head told me to remember that it was just a mirror and mirrors can be replaced.  So I paced a bit outside and went in and talked with them about what happened.  I left the broken glass on the ground and told them not to go out... I didn't want to face it until the next morning.  Luckily it was near bed time anyway.

So I went out there this morning and began cleaning it up.  And a thought came to me.  As I picked each piece up, I thought about how this was a reflection of my life.  I had a life that I loved, I liked how it looked, how it felt, how it was.  It functioned well and I saw a bright future.  And then one day it was shattered.  Just like that... gone.  Gone was the lifestyle I was accustomed to.  Gone were all the little luxuries I used to enjoy.  Gone was the security I felt.  Gone gone gone. Shattered, broken.

And I feel like just as I picked up each of those pieces of glass, that is what I am doing daily.  I am picking up those broken pieces.  I can't fix the mirror.  I can't fix my situation.  But I can throw away the mirror and buy a new one.  It is replaceable.  Such is life... I have slowly been picking up the pieces.  It's not possible for me to piece it all together the way it used to be.  So I get to begin a NEW life.  And as we are working together to build a new future, I can just be content in knowing that the next mirror I buy will be even better than the last one I had.  It's that simple. 

I don't know what the future may hold.  But I do know this... I am choosing every day to just breathe and find those simple pleasures.  This has been the bumpiest ride of my life.  It's uncomfortable, some aspects are undesireable... but if I focus on the negative, that's all I see.  So, I am finding joy in the journey, as difficult as it may be.  I am grateful, so grateful for a wonderful community of loving friends and family or I might not be able to find those simple pleasures.