Vision Quest

Today the skies are gray, not a trace of sunshine and it is constantly raining. My mood fits the weather completely. Today Mike left for a vision quest. I am already missing my love and best friend.

Yesterday (on my birthday) he surprised me by coming home early from work. Though I was excited to see him, the reason he was home early was not exciting news.

Backpeddling a bit... a couple months ago he got a new manager who is, how can I say this nicely? Well, this new manager is constantly belittling my husband and telling him what a failure he is (and that is putting it mildly with a coating of sugar on top). Every day he would come home feeling more like a failure than the day before. I have been watching him on this slow, downward spiral and felt helpless, so very helpless. All I have been able to do is attempt to comfort him, remind him of how much I appreciate him being the sole provider and working so hard to do it, and making sure that he would come home to a hug and a home-cooked meal. In the end, all my efforts did little to comfort him. He is so good at showing his gratitude and recognizing my efforts, he is so wonderful at expressing how much he appreciates what I am doing, but he needed something a little more.

So here we are today. He has taken a leave of absence from work. He is gone in search of finding himself again and reconnecting with God. I am supporting him 100%, but I already miss him oh so much. He is my love and my life. I know this is the best thing for him and our family, and I am praying that he can find that spiritual connection and that he will be clear on what he wants to do.

The scariest part about all of this for me... we have no idea if he is coming home to a job or not. The general manager says he will see what he can do, but I don't know what that means. Mike told him he can no longer work under this current manager. I knew he was close to breaking point and he finally snapped.

So, I am sitting here, savoring every bite of my decadent Godiva chocolate cheesecake and trying not to feel guilty for doing so. Hope my workout this morning can burn even half of the calories from it.