It's here... FINALLY!

My mom's liver came in yesterday. To those of you who have already heard this story, I apologize, but I am going to share it again here.

So yesterday my mom got a phone call from the nurse letting her know that a liver had come in, but the person they were getting it from was large, therefore, the liver would probably be too big for my mom. It just so happened that my mom's ward was holding a special fast for her yesterday.

Later in the afternoon (after the fast) my mom got another phone call from the nurse. This time the nurse said, well, now that we have a visual of this liver, it looks like it will fit you after all.

I know this is no coincidence. I know the Lord had His hand in this miracle. I am so grateful for the power of fasting and prayer. I am grateful for the faith and the love of these people who thought to hold this fast for my mom. They will never know how much it means to me and my family... but their faith may have saved her life.

The operation went well, she is in recovery now. I start working nights on the very same floor she will be recovering at this Friday. How perfect is that? I'm not sure that she can have visitors, (she will be quaranteened for 100 days) but at least I will get to see her at the hospital if nobody else can. At least my mom will have me. ***Just a side note... she won't be at the hospital for 100 days, just a couple weeks; she will be quaranteened at home for that period of time. Kind of sad for the kids at Christmastime, but it's the best Christmas gift I could possibly think of!***

Thank you to all for your love and your prayers. I know it is through your faith, as well as the faith of others that has made this miracle happen. Know that I love you.

Pictures

Okay, so I have this friend with an amazing gift. She can take the most beautiful family photos. She took some of my bridals for me oh so many years ago. Anyway, we went up to Ogden this past weekend, and if you are interested in seeing some photos of our family, check out her blog at http://kelliehalesphotography.blogspot.com/2008/11/preview-for-w-family.html. She also has some other photos of other families on there that are beautiful. Anyway, just a little shout out to Kellie... you are amazing girl. I love you and thank you! It was a blast (you are always so much dang fun)!

Yes...Yes...Yes...

I got it! I got the job I really, really, really wanted. I am so excited to start. I'm still not sure how it is all going to work together, but I felt inspired to do it, so I followed my gut and here I am! There are times I start doubting the plan I have set out to do and then my husband reminds me that it came with a lot of prayer and meditation. I am so happy, it all seemed to fall together just right. My first day is December 1st!

The Waiting Game

Has anyone ever played "The Waiting Game"? Dr. Seuss describes it well in "Oh The Places You'll Go!". Where people are just waiting... that is what I feel like I am doing. I interviewed for a job last week and now I am just waiting for them to let me know if I got the job. I am not a fan of the waiting game to be honest with you. This is where I get to learn patience. I have to keep reminding myself that if it is right it will happen! So for all those who are there with me, I can empathize; and for all those who have been there, I am sure you can empathize with me!

Hello again

Okay, so here is the skinny... I have been working toward becoming a CNA. My ultimate goal is to be an RN, but everybody has to start somewhere. I was busy taking a course, doing clinicals, studying for the state exam, taking the state exam and becoming certified (yeah!). So, I have done it. I am officially certified.

Now I have begun the application process. I applied for three different positions at one hospital. I have interviewed for two of those positions. I didn't get the first job (which is good), I wasn't sure how I felt about that unit... so I was okay when I found out I didn't get it. The one I applied for yesterday is on the Surgical/Transplant unit. That may be neat because of my mom's situation; I think it would be wonderful to have a greater understanding of what she will go through and to know how better to serve her. I also think I will be able to empathize with other families going through this whole transplant thing since I am experiencing that now!

I hear back next week whether I got the job or not. I do feel good about this interview; much better than the first one. I felt I totally tanked that one.

Anyway, in the end I figure it is in the Lord's hands where I end up. I am trusting He will place me in the perfect place at the perfect time in the perfect way. I'm not sure how that will look, but I will just keep applying and trying to get on board at a hospital!

Whew, this week is almost over!

***Disclaimer*** this is a longer entry...

We have had the most insane couple weeks. You all know about my mom. She is one point away from total liver failure (they figure out the severity of her condition based upon a point system). My brother Russ fell off a roof and is now in a rehabilitation center learning how to use the left side of his body again as well. There is all that drama.

So Mike went hunting last Thursday (which he looks forward to all year long). Saturday night after I had the kids down in bed I decided to relax and do nothing but watch TV. All of a sudden I hear our truck doors closing and look out the window to see Mike in excrutiating pain. He couldn't even talk to me. He was just moaning and yelling. His hands had swelled up like balloons. They reminded me of Mickey Mouse hands, but they looked like wax. His right hand wasn't as bad as his left, he couldn't even move his left. I was up with him most that night trying to comfort him. The next day we went to the ER and they ran more tests (they had run a bunch in Heber before he came home). They were baffled and sent us home with pain meds and wished us well.

It was so frustrating to sit and watch him and not be able to do anything for him. He received a blessing before we went to the hospital and was told that he would heal, but he would get to endure this; that the Lord was aware of what was happening and He would give Mike the strength to endure. And he has. Mike is slowly recovering. He still isn't back at work, but we are hoping he will be able to go in next week. He goes to see a specialist at the U hospital on Monday. We'll see what they have to say.

Meanwhile through all of this Reagan ends up with strep throat and Oakley slammed a wooden desk top so hard on her finger it too swelled up like a balloon and turned purple. So for three nights in a row I was up with two little people and one big person! Luckily it didn't break the bone; now I am just waiting for her fingernail to fall off. I'm hoping it doesn't :).

I am just so happy that Mike's pain is minimal now. He is no longer taking the Percocet to make it through the day. Through all of this we have been blessed with a greater appreciation for each other, our family, and life in general.

I sat in the hospital on Sunday morning and watched conference while Mike was fading in and out (as he was doped up on Morphine), my heart was touched by the Hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" (which has always been special to me). I held back the tears and listened. And then later I heard the hymn, "Our Savior's Love" I listened to the words and finally broke down and sobbed quietly in my chair. As I heard the words... "Our Savior's love shines like the sun with perfect light, as from above it breaks through clouds of strife. Lighting our way, it leads us back into his sight, where we may stay to share eternal life... Our Father, God of all creation , hear us pray in reverence, awed by thy Son's sacrifice. Praises we sing. We love thy law; we will obey. Our heavenly King, in thee our hearts rejoice." I just knew as I felt the Spirit lift me up that God truly was aware of us, of the grief and sorrow I was experiencing. I was so concerned for Mike. I knew at that moment that this was for our good and we would come out in the end stronger than before. I still know it. I know Christ suffered that same anguish Mike was experiencing and I kept holding onto that. It is what got me through those first few days with him; knowing the Savior felt it and could comfort Mike brought an indescribable peace to my soul. How grateful I am for Him, for His sacrifice and His love!

I have had angels watch over me and my family and take care of us. They are those earthly angels Elder Holland was talking about during one of his conference talks. Thank you to my earthly angels... Whitney, Jody, Andrea, Sandra, Camille, Jen, Mom and Dad, Marv and Darlene, Jen H., Annette, Juston, and Steve. I could not have made it through this week without you! There were also many others who offered their help, and I am grateful to all of you as well. It is so wonderful to know we are surrounded by so many who love us!

Temper, Temper

Picture the scene...

I woke up early this morning and nursed my baby boy. I decided to save time I would get him dressed before laying him back down. So after I finished feeding him, I dressed him and laid him back down. One kid done! Then I immediately went down and woke Reagan and Dakota up. They got themselves dressed and went up and ate breakfast. Two more kids down! Meanwhile Oakley wakes up and shows me what she wants to wear.

I'm thinking to myself, "Man, we are off to a good start! I'll bet we will even make it to the gym extra early today :)."

I proceeded to pull out the skirt she wants to wear and notice that among the clothing she has chosen are the leggings that she wore yesterday and last night to bed. They were dirty, and I wasn't about to let her wear them again today. I understand all about choices, but I draw the line at dirty clothing. Well, needless to say, this didn't go over very well. She had a screaming fit for the next several minutes (like 15).

So, here I am facing this dilemma... do I give in so we can get going on time? (today was our turn to drive kids to school) Or do I hold my ground and take her with in her underwear? (she was refusing to get dressed without the leggings) I chose option two. I grabbed a long jacket for her to wear so she wouldn't be standing there in only her underwear, but she just threw it.

The look on my friend's face when we opened the van door was priceless. As I pulled away from her house I began to doubt myself. Was I a tyrant for not giving in to her tantrum? Or had I done the right thing? She literally screamed all the way picking up kids, all the way taking them to school and all the way home again. It was a pleasant ride.

The good news is we got the kids to school on time. What was interesting was right when we got home she went straight inside, quit crying and got dressed without another word and proceded to eat her breakfast. If only we could all get over our own tantrums so easily. I guess exploding like that wouldn't be such a good thing though ;)

Just a few things...

I am just checking in to let you all know I am basically offline for another week or two. I will inform you of all the great details in the next few weeks. Nothing bad... just way busy!

A little side note though... Jackson is officially a cruisin' baby! He started doing his half-scoot/half-crawl a couple weeks ago and man oh man is this baby into everything. He is such a busy little man. I just noticed two teeth coming in the bottom as well! Another side note; he gained about a pound in three weeks (which is good since he is so underweight). I was ecstatic.

Another little news flash... Oakley is officially potty-trained. She has decided it is fun to do #2 in the potty. It isn't scary anymore for her.

Thanks to the most wonderful book I have ever read on parenting life is much smoother. I would recommend 'Parenting with Love & Logic' to anybody! That book has seriously changed my life!

I will be getting back with y'all in a few weeks!

Skechers already?

Yesterday Reagan asked, "Mom, can I have some 'Skechers'?" To which Mike and I replied by letting her know if she saved up her money she could go buy a pair. Mike mentioned that he thought it was wonderful that she wanted to go get herself a good pair of expensive, sturdy shoes. She looked at me with a sad look in her eyes and said, "But Mom, they're the shoes that give you air with every step you take." We both giggled a little and reminded her that if she saved up her money (and we shared ideas on how to earn extra money) she could definitely get a pair.

So I guess I will be coming up with some extra chores to assist Reagan in creating some money for her Skechers. Heaven forbid she wear a pair of shoes that don't give her any air!

I just can't believe all this stuff starts at age 6. I don't remember really getting into name brand clothing until I was around 11 or 12. Maybe my memory is skewed though.

She called you a WHAT?

Yesterday I was upstairs sweeping the kitchen floor and I heard the girls bickering downstairs. I decided to let them work it out. Soon Reagan was in the kitchen in tears, telling me how Dakota kept messing up her pile of clothes that she was folding. So I called Dakota up and asked her what was going on. When Dakota got in the kitchen she said, "Reagan called me a penis!" It took everything I had within me to not bust up laughing in front of the girls. I asked Reagan about it and she admitted to it. So in a very loving way we worked it all out; and I managed to keep a straight face until they left the room.

I want to go "Home"

For those of you who don't know, my mom has been in the hospital for one week now. I have managed to keep this information from my children even though I have gone to visit her nearly every night. When my kids have asked me where I am going I just reply with, "On an errand".

Anyway, Reagan started first grade this past Monday. On Tuesday night after I returned from visiting my mom Reagan came up to me with a pouty face. I reminded her it was time to sleep and she began to sob. She informed me how she was feeling like she never got to see me lately. She reminded me how she is gone at school all day and then when she gets home I am busy making dinner and then I leave. She was missing me!

I went and laid down with her for about 10 minutes and just held her. Then she said, "Mom, I want to go home." I was perplexed and said, "You are home." Reagan said, "No mom, home home. I want to go to my heavenly home." Then she cried a bit more and said, "I just miss my Father and Brother (Jesus) so much. I haven't seen them since I was born. It has been so long since I have seen them." I asked her if she remembered them and she replied with an exasperated voice, "He is my Brother!" With tears in my eyes, I expressed my empathy with how she was feeling. She proceeded by telling me how sad she was that Jesus had to die for all of us. That she wishes He didn't have to do that for all of us. I reminded her that if He hadn't done that then nobody could return to be with Father in Heaven. That Jesus Christ made that bridge so we could go back Home one day.

Mike gave her a blessing and we said a little prayer and she went to bed. What a great learning opportunity for me. I was reminded of how sweet that relationship is with our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ. I am so grateful to have shared that moment with Reagan. She keeps me on track!

From The Mouth of Babes

A short time ago my father was feeling way down about my mother's declining health. My girls saw him during his time of worry and asked him what was wrong. I wasn't there, but according to my dad Reagan listened to him and then after he told her grandma was sick and he was sad she said something along the lines of... "Well grandpa, it is what it is and there's no use in crying about it."

He told me he thought about what she said and how right she is. He still gets a kick out of her comment to him. Sometimes I feel like I learn way more from my kids than what they learn from me!

Shower?

So yesterday I woke up, got my kids fed and dressed and I was out the door by 8:30 am. I dropped the kids off at the sitters and then I headed up east to clean two homes (Mondays are my cleaning days). I finished cleaning and picked the kids up. When I arrived home around 4:30 pm I was exhausted and decided to do something simple for dinner. We had sandwiches, doritos, and grapes (well, I'll admit it, I just had a bowl of cereal with blueberries... I was not in the mood for another sandwich). While we ate I let the kids have a picnic and watch The Waterhorse (which is a HUGE treat at our house... rarely do we ever eat in front of the T.V.) We decided to do something "simple" for Family Home Evening; we had a water balloon fight. As soon as that was over, we all went inside for some hot chocolate. As soon as they finished their drink we started a bath for the kids. Mike bathed them while I fed the baby. We got them dressed, brushed teeth and hair, read books and put them to bed. After the kids were down I took a look at the damage done in the living room due to our "picnic". I decided I couldn't live with crumbs all over; and while I was at it I may as well sweep and vaccuum all the floors upstairs, right? (so I did).

Finally, after all this, it was time for me to rest from my hectic day. Jackson was wide awake so I brought him to bed with me and watched a little T.V. After nursing him one last time, I laid him in his bassinet. I went back to my bed, laid my head on my pillow and realized (at 10:30 pm) that I still had not showered yet. At this point I was way too tired and I went to sleep.

So, this is my question... Does the water fight count as a shower?

ABC Tag

ABC TAG:
A- Attached or single: Attached
B- Best Friend: my husband, Mike
C- Cake or pie: cake, most definitely; I am not a crust fan (no frosting on the cake though)
D- Day: Sunday, so I can take a breather
E- Essential item: Scriptures, I am lost without them
F- Favorite color: This is always changing. Today I am going to say lavendar.
G- Gummi bears or worms: I gotta go with the worms on this
H- Home town: Murray-Taylorsville area (we moved so much, but were there longer than other places.
I- Indulgences: Death by chocolate cheesecake
J- January or July: July, I love fireworks, warm weather and parades!
K- Kids: four... Reagan (6), Dakota (4), Oakley (3), Jackson (8 months)
L- Life is incomplete without: FUN
M- Marriage date: March 18, 2000
N- Number of siblings: 2 brothers
O- Oranges or apples: yep
P- Phobias or fears: don't know
Q- Quote: "I have found that if you love life, life will love you right back" Arthur Rubinstein (thanks Steph, it's one of my favorite's now!)
R- Reason to smile: watching my girls dance in the living room while my boy pounds on his toys
S- Season: yep, all of them. I love the variety. You get fun-filled beautiful snow in the winter, Wonderful rain that brings everything back to life in the spring, Summer with all its activities and warmth, and Fall with a time of thanksgiving and beautiful leaves showing their true colors!
T- Tag four: Kami, Whitney, Steph, and Rebecca
U- Unknown fact about me: I can twist my tongue funny ways
V- Very favorite store: The Children's Place
W- Worst habit: cleaning the house right before we have to leave just so it will be clean when we get back even if we are running late (this kills Mike).
X- X-rays or Ultrasounds: I have had my fair share of both. The best was the x-ray to find my missing IUD (only to find it right under my bladder).
Y- Your favorite food: yep, I love food, all kinds
Z- Zodiac sign: Taurus, and I live up to it!
Now tag, you're it! Post this on your blog for all of us to see.

Here is Oakley just a couple days old with Dakota and Mommy.

Always a smile on her face as a baby

Our sweet little Oakley, she was a happy little tot.

One of Oakley's "moments". Can you tell what her body language is screaming at me?

Oakley's favorite guy... Daddy

She wore herself out and ended the day wearing a Little Mermaid skirt with a Snow White top!

Oakley with Mommy

Oakley being silly with Dakota I love you Oakley. Keep smilin' Sunshine!

HB2U

Two posts in one day, I know. But this post is much more light-hearted than the previous one. Today my baby girl turns 3! And even better yet, she is a potty-trained 3-year-old!

I love this little girl. She is full of life! She is one ambitious little girl; she is determined to do it all by herself (no matter what it is). I admire her tenacity... that little girl does not give up! Today is the day I get to honor her. I am grateful she was sent to our family. She came earlier than planned; she came on her time frame. She lives that way still; things are done her way, and in her time!

So happy birthday my little girl. I love you. Thank you. You teach me every day of my life.

Grandma, why are you wearing yellow make-up?

My mom, as some of you may be well aware, has had issues with her liver for several years now. She is a woman who never stops... she is always go go go. To know her, you would never know she has a disease that could potentially cause cancer in her liver. She does not complain. She had problems with her colon from the time she was 18, which eventually led to an operation where they replaced her colon with part of her small intestine. All those years she had a diseased colon, the same disease was attacking her liver, which led to her current condition.

Lately she has been extremely yellow. Her skin looks like she rubbed fake tan lotion on her face. The whites of her eyes are bright yellow. Her hands and feet swelled up the other day. So she called the doctor and they took her blood only to find that her bilirubin count was up to 19 (a normal person would be at 0). For any of you who have had a baby with Jaundice, you would be familiar with that term. She basically has jaundice. What is so scary is that her liver is failing. The toxins are being released through her body and her other organs are working overtime to try to compensate for the lack of liver function.

So, right now Reagan and Dakota are camping with my mom and dad. I spoke with my mom yesterday and she told me that Dakota looked at her and asked her why she put on yellow make-up. She went on to tell her how yellow her eyes are. My mom mentioned that the tone in Dakota's voice made it sound like she said- You look horrible with yellow make-up on, why would you choose to put on yellow make-up?

My mom is a woman with incredible faith. There are times I am scared of her dying, there are times I have cried. And then there are times when my soul is comforted and I know that no matter the outcome, everything will be as it should, and I will be alright. I must admit the thought of losing my mother brings such intense anguish to my heart. She is my friend, my confidant. When I am feeling down she gives me a boost. When I am frustrated beyond belief, she calms me down. She has a way of speaking to me that gets me thinking clearly. I always know at the end of the day, no matter what, my mother loves me. She thinks I am wonderful, even when I have doubts as to who I am. She told me one day that I was a good mother. She actually told me she was so impressed with the way I handle my children, and she was pleased with the way I parent my kids. I just looked at her and said, "Well, I learned how to be a mom by watching you." I owe all that I am today at the love she gave me and still gives me. I am a blessed woman to have a mother who is not only my mom, but she is my friend.

So, I am asking a favor to all of you reading this, to pray for her. I don't know what is in store for her. I know they have now put her on a waiting list for a liver transplant, but until then, we have been informed she is going to be feeling very ill.

New Book Series

Okay, so I have found another book series that I absolutely love! It's bad enough that I am hooked to the Twilight series and am looking forward to reading about beautiful Edward again next month! Harry Potter consumed much of my spare time. I am all through those... now I have begun reading he Fablehaven series. So far there are 3 books. I just finished the 3rd book last week. The 4th is scheduled to be released in April of 2009. I would recommend this series to anyone (if you like fantasy-type books, you will enjoy it). It is very well written, full of adventure. So there you have it. Let me know if you get the chance to read it!

A Much Deserved Date

Mike and I went on the first "real" date in a very long time last night. We have both been a bit bogged down by the kids, work, projects around the house, callings, etc., etc. We have basically allowed life to jeapordize our alone time together. I love my kids. I love my life. I love my job. But I don't want to allow any of those to get in the way of my relationship with my husband. So when I got home from work yesterday Mike suggested we find a babysitter and go out, just the two of us. I was a bit hesitant at first, thinking of all the things we could accomplish if we stayed home and worked on the house and the yard. And then it hit me... duh! Those projects can wait until next week. My time with my dear husband is not something to put aside so I can finish some project (just to start another).

So we found somebody who could come watch the kids with only about 45 minutes notice. I quickly made the kids dinner and we went out.

Now, this may not sound like the most spectacular date, but honestly, it was one of the best ones I have been on yet! We had dinner at Cafe Rio and then we went riding. We rode our bikes for at least an hour and a half. We talked about everything and nothing and all of it in between. We laughed together. He was playful. I was carefree. It felt wonderful to just be.

As we got to the end of the trail we took a break and were talking about different vacations we would like to take. I was standing there, looking at him and the sight of him took my breath away. I felt butterflies in my stomach; I reached forward and gave him a nice big smooch. At that moment I remembered why I love him so very much!

We got back on our bikes and continued back the way we came. He even showed off for me a little. I almost felt like we were two high school kids again, just hanging out and having a good time.

I thoroughly enjoyed my evening. He has promised me we will go riding together at least once a month (weather permitting). He is going to take me somewhere new next time. He isn't quite as competetive as he was a little while ago. I fear I may eat my words though. He is riding his bike to and from work nearly every day... that is 2 hours of daily riding for him. His legs are pretty tough and he is a much more experienced rider than I am. But, at least we have found that no matter what, it is one more thing we enjoy doing together.

So, I guess my point is I have recently learned a great lesson... communication is key. Time together is essential. And fun is a definite must!

I feel lighter today. I feel re-energized! I even feel about 5 years younger. All because I took the time to share a moment with my sweetheart.

FHE Activity

Here is Reagan's Graham Temple

This is Oakley's Graham Temple

Dakota's Graham Temple. She was the first to demolish hers. I didn't even have time to get a shot of the finished product before she dug in!

Okay, so I totally messed up how to lay this blog out... but oh well. Here is a brief explanation of these pictures. Our activity for this past family home evening was to make graham cracker temples. It was a lot of fun (and yummy) and very easy. The kids had a ball.

Reagan spent the most time making hers. She was very pleased with the end product. Dakota just couldn't wait to eat it! Oakley liked making it but then didn't want to eat it once it was complete. She didn't finish eating it until the next day.

I am just grateful for all the different resources right at our fingertips. I have access to so many great ideas that are fun ways of teaching the gospel to my children. I am grateful for people with creative minds and am especially grateful for their willingness to share their creativity with me. Anyway, it's a fun way to teach about temples.

I have some big news. Oakley has decided to potty train. So far, so good... only 2 accidents in two days. She has been doing well. I am maintaining a positive attitude that this is happening this week! I am sooooooooooooo excited, I can hardly contain myself.

The Challenge Is On

I have found a way to get my husband to exercise. I didn't even mean for it to happen, it just did. One night we were talking and I mentioned that since I have been going to a spinning class two days a week for a couple months now, and I have been riding my bike to work (and any other time I can) that I could probably kick his butt up Millcreek Canyon.

Let me backtrack a bit. When we were first married Mike rode his bike everywhere. He had the toughest legs, they were solid! I thought he had the sexiest legs I had ever seen. As newly-weds, we went up Millcreek. I did not make it very far, I totally wimped out. And we never did ride together after that because I felt like I couldn't keep up with him (well, we have gone a little here and there, but not on a "real" ride). Now I realize it is simply mind over matter. My body is a lot stronger than I have ever given credit for. I believe I can do it!

Anyway, somewhere between having 4 kids, going to school and working full-time, Mike hasn't had as much time for that. So just today, when he called during his lunch break he told me he is determined to get back in shape (mind you, he still looks awesome). He is suggesting we find a sitter and go up Millcreek now. He says he wants me to eat my words, there is no way I could possibly beat him. So, the challenge is on. I have got to be tough. I want to beat him. He is even taking his bike in for a tune-up.

So I learned something new about my husband today. He is competetive and I never knew it. Now, if I can always tap into that... imagine the possibilities ;)

The Burial

My grandpa passed away Memorial Day weekend in his sleep. It has been strange, surreal you might say. I have been in denial of his leaving us. It wasn't until his burial one week ago today that the reality set in for me. Grandpa is gone. He was stubborn, he was honery, he was sometimes even mean... but I loved that man. He made me laugh at some of the things he would say. When I was getting ready to leave to serve my mission my grandpa told me that when I got back he would "tell me the truth about the Church". He was very proud of his posterity. He was proud of having 7 children, 12 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren (by the way, 4 of those great-grandchildren are my kids). He loved us all in his own special way. Grandpa wasn't much for frilling things up, he told things as he saw them.

When we arrived at the burial we were about 7 minutes late. Had we not been stuck behind a construction truck going 20 miles under the speed limit for several miles and then run into a pretty bad accident site where we were delayed, we would have been on time. When we got there and I saw that the service was over my heart ached. It was like somebody took a dagger to my heart and twisted it around. I began to sob uncontrollably. For the first time I realized grandpa was really gone. I was disappointed that I was late... if only we had left earlier and beat the accident... if only... but I know my experience was perfect. I finally grieved the loss of my grandfather. I was able to just let it all out.

Death is such a strange thing for me. He is simply taking the next step in life. I know his spirit still lives. I know he is learning much. I know his eyes are being opened to so much truth. I just don't get to see him for a while. Grandpa, I love you. I will see you on the other side and we will talk of truth and rejoice at our reunion. Be open. Your Father in heaven loves you. Your Savior, Jesus Christ loves you. I am sure you are very aware of His love for you. Until we meet again, I bid you farewell.

This baby fat has got to go!

Well, it is official... I am a Weight Watchers girl again. After working out at the gym and not seeing the results I was anticipating, I have decided to join Weight Watchers again. This way I can work out and eat healthy. See, the thing is that I thought I was eating healthy. Now after just one day I am realizing just how much I snack throughout the day. What's even more is those things which I thought were "good" snacks aren't really all that great for me! So we will see what the results are. I figure I can test it out for 3 months and see what my progress is. I really enjoyed the program before; I lost 25 pounds when I joined after Oakley was born. I seem to have some bad eating habits during my pregnancy with Jackson (which seems to be a common theme among all my pregnancies). So, it is a matter of breaking those habits.

I am determined and I know I can do it. It is just going to take a little more willpower than I have put forth up to this point. My goal is 2 pants sizes, I am not so concerned with the amount of weight. I just want back into my old jeans again!

Thank Goodness for Big Girls

Can I just have a bragging moment for my oldest daughter? Some days I wonder what I would ever do without her. Yesterday we went grocery shopping... something I have been putting off for some time now because, quite honestly, I dread going shopping with all four of my children. Anyway, when we got home it was lunch time. I was thinking to myself, "What am I going to do? I have all these groceries to take in and put away, I have a baby who wants me to nurse him right now, and I have 3 little girls who want their lunch right now as well?"

I never said a word to my children about my dilemma and I mapped out my game plan:
1) Bring perishables in and put them in the fridge
2) Nurse Jackson
3) Lay him down for his nap
4) Make the girls their lunch
5) Make myself something to eat and quickly snarf down my food
6) Lay Oakley down for her nap
7) Put all the rest of the food away
8) Take a breather!

So here I go, working through the list in my head. As I start rushing the food in from the van I notice Reagan go to the fridge and pull out some bread. Then she goes to the pantry and pulls out the peanut butter and honey. She gets a butter knife and begins to work on making sandwiches; mind you, I did not ask her to do any of this! I stopped for one moment and looked at her with so much gratitude in my heart. Then I grapped a peach and sliced it up and put them on some plates. Reagan kept on making the sandwiches. She set the plates on the table and the girls began their feast.

So onto the next story I would like to share... today after the gym we went to the park and had lunch and then the girls played for a bit. We then ran to the store to buy a few items that I forgot to grab yesterday. When we got home, we sat in the front and enjoyed some slurpees in the shade of our front yard. Then little Jackson decided he was hungry; so we finished our drinks and went inside. I looked at the time and realized it was past Oakley's naptime. Yet here I was once again in this predicament... how can I do two things (or more) at once? So I asked Reagan if she would read to Oakley (as part of her naptime ritual) while I nursed the baby. Reagan read to her, tucked her in, and kissed her night, night. Then I finished with the baby, laid him down and went in to sing "I Am a Child of God" (again, part of the naptime ritual). As I began singing Oakley looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Reagan wants to sing 'I Am a Child of God'". I sent Reagan in and she happily sang it to her.

I ask myself often what I would ever do without her. Yesterday and today I have truly been grateful for such an independant child who is so loving, patient, and gentle. She is so obedient and trustworthy. I am grateful for each child and the talents they posess. I am fortunate to have these 3 little mommies who take care of me and each other. We are a great team! They each have something special to offer. How did I ever get so blessed?

I just thought I would mention that our son's picture is posted on the website of the Birth and Family Place (where he was delivered). If you go to www.birthandfamilyplace.com and click on to the "Classes/Events" link and the "FAQ" link you will see a picture of him and a picture of Mike and me with him when he was about 2 weeks old.

A Lesson on Prayer

My kids are constantly saying the cutest things. For instance, the other day Reagan said to me, "Mom, let's say I wanted to go out and ride my bike but I had a cough; so I pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him to tell you to let me go ride and you say, 'No.' Does that mean that Heavenly Father said no? I smiled at her and seized the opportunity to have a learning moment on prayer. We talked about how sometimes Heavenly Father does say no and sometimes He says yes, and sometimes He even says wait. And then I shared with her how He allows us to make choices because He loves us, so when I said no, that was my choice; He won't force me, or anyone else, to do anything. It was such a great moment! I am so happy to have shared it with her. She is constantly reminding me about the beauty of life through her actions and her wonderful little mind and her powerful little spirit.

A Sweet Scent

Today, I was doing a little work in the yard. I took some time to smell one of my pink roses. It smelled so exquisite. I called over the girls and had them each smell it. Reagan said, "Mmm, it smells like God." I just thought that was one of the sweetest things I had ever heard. I have no doubt that heaven smells as lovely as a rose. Now when I smell a rose, I will think of God; I hope you will too!

Mom, come quick!

I just love hearing things like: "Mom the baby pooped", especially when I am right in the middle of baking cookies. Dakota urged me to come into the living room because, "He pooped and I can see it on his back, and his shirt and his shorts." That definitely caught my attention. I love moments of cleaning it off the clothes, and the baby's back and the rug.

11 years ago

I have been reflecting back on my life. 11 years ago this month I entered the MTC to serve in the Illinois Peoria Mission. I remember the excitement and anticipation, as well as the hesitation and the fear I experienced. I remember singing "Called To Serve". I literally had chills as I sang out those words. I remember saying goodbye to my parents and walking through the doors into the training center as they exited through the doors to "the outside world". I remember seeing Mike in the MTC getting ready to go to the Australia Brisbane Mission. It was comforting to see a familiar face (though we were just friends at the time). I remember feeling so inadequate and discouraged. I remember doubting myself and wondering what I was thinking by serving a mission. I also remember the moment all that doubt was flushed away. I had prayed fervently to Heavenly Father, expressing all my doubt with my ability to serve in this capacity. He so very lovingly calmed my soul. I felt embraced by His love and surrounded with such incredible warmth. I knew in that moment that all would be well. I knew He had a purpose for me and that there were people I was going to touch. And how true that was.

My mission was a huge turning point in my life. I learned how to rely on the Spirit more. I learned the power of prayer. I learned how close our Father in Heaven really is to all of us. I gained a more powerful testimony of our Savior, and a greater love and appreciation for the Atonement. I learned so much more about Joseph Smith. I know I went to Illinois to have the opportunity to be where the early saints were and gain a greater appreciation for their sacrifices. I was able to spend time in Carthage, IL and Nauvoo, IL and be where they were and feel the Spirit that is there; it is so peaceful and so beautiful.

I also gained some of the best friends I have ever had and know those friendships will last for all eternity. I am so grateful for my mission companions who each taught me something of great value. I have carried those lessons with me throughout my life. Thank you to all you sweet ladies!

I am so grateful for the tender mercies of a loving Father who is forgiving. I know His love is unconditional. I know He knows my heart, that is so comforting. I am thankful for a loving Savior, even Jesus Christ. He knows me and you and loves us eternally. He is the way... the only way back to the Father. It is so clear to me. The path is narrow, but we can all be strengthened through Him, the Only Begotten.

I learned a lot in those 18 months. I am still learning every day. I have no doubt I will always be learning. It's what makes life interesting, and humbling. Now I get to learn from 4 of the most beautiful little people I know. I also learn so very much from a loving, gentle man; my best friend and companion of 8 wonderful years. There have been ups and there have been downs and yet, we seem to grow closer every day. The other day I was watching him and in that moment my heart welled up with such incredible love for him. I have those moments now and then where I sit back, look at my life and just relish the love I have for my husband and children. I can honestly say I am a blessed woman.

What's up with all the ink cartridges?

So I am doing my best at catching up with all the scrapbooking I have been putting off for a while now. Jackson doesn't even have one yet; and I think the last time I put a picture in Oakley's she was 6 months old. Anyway, today I woke up with a mission... to print the pictures up. I didn't go to the gym because the kids have had a horrible cough; so I had plenty of time today.

I went downstairs and began printing them off, but after about 2 pictures my Kodak printer was out of ink, so I replaced the cartridge. Then things were off. The cartridge went out again, that one didn't have much ink, cuz it ran out quickly. So I went to plan B, send it to my regular printer and put the photo paper on it. The pictures were of such poor quality that I decided to run to Walmart and buy more ink for the Kodak printer. I went there with all 4 kids, bought the ink, came home, opened the package and realized I had bought the wrong kind of cartridge. AAARRRGGGHHH!

I just have one question... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF INK CARTRIDGES OUT THERE? Okay, 2 questions... CAN'T THEY JUST MAKE THEM ALL UNIVERSAL?!

So here I was again. I tweeked some things and began using my HP printer again. (Luckily I had bought the hp paper while at Walmart). I ran out of that paper and started using another I had and the printer kept having paper jams. Needless to say, I have thrown in the towel for the time being because at this point Jackson and Oakley are both down for a nap and I am tired of working on the computer.

The good news is, at least I have some pictures to start working with for Jackson and I just happen to have a blue empty photo album.

I sure do wish I was better with computers!

Watch Out!

Yesterday I thought it would be a good day to ride my bike to work since that is what Mike got me for my birthday. It was the perfect day, nice and crisp and cool in the morning and sunny but a little breezy in the afternoon; a great day for a ride. On the way to work there wasn't much traffic because, as you might expect, there aren't a lot of people on the road at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. The way home was a completely different story.

I was amazed at how many people were completely unaware of my presence. What was even more astonishing was the attitude of certain individuals that I had no right being out there on a bicycle. One man watched me go across the cross walk and press the button to cross at the other cross walk. He was waiting at the red light to turn right (southbound) and I was waiting right next to him to go straight across (eastbound). When the light turned green he gunned it and nearly hit me. Did he have any idea that I had the right-a-way? He actually glared at me like I had no right being there!

Most of my scary encounters were waiting at lights with people who were turning right. So, I guess the message I would like to get out there is watch out for pedestrians and cyclists. I find that sometimes (when I am driving a vehicle) I don't look to my right before I turn right; I am so focused on looking to my left at oncoming traffic to see when I will be able to turn out that I forget to look to my right to see if anybody is there. Let's all be a little more cautious. My bike-riding experience on Saturday was eye-opening!

It did feel good to get on a bike again though. I haven't done it since I was pregnant. I love my new bike and I am looking forward to getting out there again (even with all the crazy and inconsiderate drivers). Thank goodness there are also cautious and courteous people out there as well.

I would like to give a little shout out to Rebecca who did a triathalon a short time ago. You are awesome lady!

Potty Training Anyone?

Okay, so I am wondering if there are any of you out there who are either going through the same struggle I am right now; or have gone through this struggle. The big struggle of potty training. With my first two kids, it was fairly simple. My third daughter is really putting up a fight. I have used bribery with a sticker chart, toys, candy (the good ones, like chocolate), and much praise. I have yet to find what works for this little girl. She goes through spurts where she will do it for a day or two and then she stops for weeks to months. I am so ready to get her out of diapers. Her third birthday is next month. My other girls were potty trained by the time they were two.

I keep asking myself what it is I am supposed to be learning from this experience with her so we can get beyond it. She has thrown out all the rules to parenting that I have used on my first two. What works for both of them, does not work for her. It is almost as if we are brand new parents all over again, just testing out different theories and methods to teach her. It is a good thing we have her, she definitely keeps things interesting for us. Every day is a new experience.

If there is one thing I admire about this little one... it would be the compassion she has toward others. If anyone gets hurt, if she hears a child crying, even if I burn my hand on a warm plate; she is the first one to acknowledge it and offer her sympathies.

The other night as I was tucking her in we went through our nightly routine: brush teeth and hair, read a book, say prayers, and then (my favorite part) I sing "I Am a Child of God" at her request. As I was singing to her she held my face close to hers. She began stroking my hair and running her fingers over my face, ever so gently. As I closed the song she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mommy, I love your face". Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a tight squeeze. She then told me, "Love you too, Mommy". It was at that very moment as I expressed my love for her that I realized that is what it is all about. Family is what matters most. There is no greater force than love.

So I pose this question... How can I use this magnificent force of love to potty train my compassionate, powerful little toddler? If you have any ideas that have worked for you... I AM OPEN!

This dog will tolerate just about anything

If you don't know already, our dog Sage is actually Oakley's dog. She reminds me daily that he is hers. I think the expression on his face says it all. He is a wonderful companion and friend. He is Oakley's personal entertainment! Just so you know, she won't even let me touch that headband. It is hers! But she will share it with her buddy.

Pics to go with the stories

Okay, so I am finally caving in and making up a blog for my family. My friend Jody, gave me the little boost that I deserved; thanks Jody... it was way easy! I guess the main boost to get this started is the big news... no, I am not pregnant again! The big news is Reagan learned to ride her bike last Saturday, WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS! The amount of excitement I felt watching her do that was indescribable. It was like watching her take her first steps all over again.

Today was her last day of Kindergarten. She has been talking about going in to first grade for several months now, actually, it was second grade; I kept reminding her that first grade is before second grade. She is going to miss her teacher, Mrs. Richards, but is excited to continue learning. As of right now she is reading at a 1.3 level (first grade, three months). It is one of her favorite past times.

Dakota is as cute as ever. Lately she has decided to be a mommy's girl. She has just finished her first year of dance. That girl was born to dance. She is so cautious of her form and technique... it's cute! She never passes an opportunity to let me know I should lose weight. The other day she said, "Mom, even though your bum is big, I still love you." Well, that's always reassuring!

Oakley said the cutest thing at lunch. She told me she was talking to a snail outside and that it told her that she was cute. She said, "Yeah, I'm cute!" All of a sudden her vocabulary has skyrocketed.

Jackson is as cute as ever... that baby is all smiles. He is finally starting to roll over all the time now and he decided to start sitting up at the same time.

I am just living the good life, basking it all in. Life is beautiful.