Life's difficult choices

Today I did something I have been dreading for quite some time now.  Today I scheduled the appointment to have our dog euthanized.  And judging by how many tears I shed, you would think we had him put to sleep already.

It is heart-wrenching to watch his health and quality of life slowly decline.  He has cancer.  The vet said it is very aggressive and fast-moving.  There were no guarantees that any operation would be successful.  He is almost 12 now.  He has cataracts and arthritis.  With the tumor on his upper leg now, it is difficult for him to walk and sit.  I can hardly stand the thought of him suffering so much pain.  And when he looks up at me with those eyes, it's like he is telling me how much he hurts.

The thought of doing this tears me up... it breaks my heart.  It's so final.  Next week I get to hold my boy and pet him and look into his loving eyes for the last time.  He was our first "baby".  When we were both going to school early in our marriage, Mike bought him for me to hold off wanting a newborn.  Little did we know I was expecting our first child already.  When we brought him home I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant with our first.

My children don't know life without him.  He is the gentlest, most loving creature.  With every baby he has allowed them to jump on him, pull on his ears and jowls, pull his tail and stick their little fingers up his snout.  Not only does he ALLOW them to do this to him, but he always ever so gently looks up at them and gives them a nice wet, slobbery kiss. 

I have enjoyed watching my children grow with this loving dog.  He has always been protective of them and has treated them with so much care and love.

Some out there would say, "He's just a dog."  But he is more than that to us.  He is a member of our family.  He gives and gives and gives, never expecting anything in return.  I have had many dogs all through my childhood.  I can honestly say that Sage is the best dog I have ever known.  He is intelligent and gentle.  He is loving and protective.  He will always hold a place in my heart.