So the lesson on Sunday in Relief Society and Priesthood at our ward was on "HONESTY".
As the 13th Article of Faith states, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul -- We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
Believe me when I tell you, I firmly believe in this and I follow it to the best of my ability. The lesson was inspiring to me.
My husband also had the same lesson being taught with the men in another room. His lesson went much differently than mine due to somebody in the room shifting the conversation to mean that we need to be 100% completely and brutally honest about every single thing that comes out of our mouths.
There was a debate going on between the men and apparantly, one in particular, is convinced that you need to be honest even if the truth hurts. The other in the debate said something about how you can't be honest about everything like that ALL the time, because you could do some emotional damage. Now, between these two men, who do you suppose has a better marriage?
Let me give you an example...
Later that day, we were hanging out at home. I asked Mike if he would like me to make some cookies. He then said, "Sure, but make ANYTHING but chocolate chip." It just so happened that is the type of cookie I had in mind. I asked him why and he began to inform me of the lesson they were taught on being honest and to be honest with me, he is finally telling me after all these years that he DOES NOT like my chocolate chip cookies. The kids and I love those cookies. They are soft and gooey and all yumminess in my opinion (not to toot my own horn or anything). Then I thought, okay, I'll make sugar cookies and then we can do Easter shapes and the kids can decorate them and it will be fun family time. Well, then he went on to tell me that he DOES NOT like my sugar cookies either. I have always prided myself on those cookies in particular because after many years of practice and trying different things, I am able to bake sugar cookies that don't crumble, but that are soft and melt in your mouth (and don't even get me started on the cream cheese frosting). I'm no pastry chef, but they are pretty darn good.
At that point, I decided not to make cookies at all.
The way I figure it is this... cooking meals and cleaning the home and caring for our children is what I do. And I love doing it, but those are the basic things that just get to be done no matter what. Doing things like baking treats are the extras in life. See, we don't need dessert to survive, but it sure does make you feel all warm and fuzzy when you eat something fresh-baked from the oven. So, if you don't like my cookies, then too bad. Smile, and grin and bear it and be grateful, because I did it with love.
My sweet husband was confused after all of this. In his logical way of thinking, he decided it was in our best interest for him to be 100% completely, brutally honest with me. In the end he said he doesn't really MIND eating those cookies, they're just not his preference.
Then he asked me if I ask him if the pants make me look fat and I do look frumpy in them, should he be honest with me or lie through his teeth. I then informed him that if I ever look fat in the jeans, to just lie right to my face, unless I ask him to be HONEST with me (is that confusing enough?).
I know what I look like. It only matters to me what he sees in me. And I know he loves me no matter what. So, what harm is done if he tells me I look beautiful even when I don't look my best?
Now, you can call me childish, or silly, or sensitive if you would like. I just think it's okay to sugar-coat things from time to time, for the sake of not hurting somebody's feelings. How does that saying go? If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
And that, my friends, is how the cookie crumbles.
I am curious though... how do y'all feel about this subject? Should we ALWAYS be honest about EVERYTHING, even if the truth hurts?
BE HONEST WITH ME!
1 week ago
2 comments:
Our honesty lesson was a week ago. And the similar idea came up with people asking if honesty meant being 100% fully honest about EVERYTHING.
The thing is, this honesty in everything, suggests that we need to EXPRESS our opinion freely. That is where I think it goes wrong. We can be honest by simply not expressing our thoughts. Can you imagine if we all did. There would be absolute ridicule at grocery stores as people share their thoughts about the screaming child in the isle, or about the women's spandex in front of us in the line. We hold our tongues because it simply isn't our place and quite frankly isn't nice to share in these instances. In addition it does not have a lasting impact to say anything, so we leave well enough alone and not saying anything at all.
NOW, not saying anything at all, is different than lying in my eyes. There is a time to bridle our tongues and move on. There is also a time to fess up to wrong doings etc.
I admit there is this gray area that confuses me in regards to the. Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy and all the lies that go with this. See because I lie, and don't feel bad at all about it!:)
Ahhh, so that explains your poll on FB!! First off, your cookies sound yummy and got me feeling hungry as I sat here reading your post! LOL
I'm with Thelissa - you can't say everything that comes to mind - or you will do more damage than good. If someone asks you for their opinion then ok fine - be honest. I guess that is the difference between men & women & the way we think things should be. I think also, there is a lot more to being honest than just telling people what you think. I think that's just the tip of the iceberg.
But I agree with you -- Mike doesn't have to eat your cookies! Dessert is just an added plus in life. If they aren't his favorite, he can go without! You keep doing what you're doing!
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